Dear
web visitors, I love you all. I started to write this article last night,
but took my prescription drugs and fell asleep while writing. So now it is
Wednesday morning and I'm finishing the article. My neck pain was pretty bad
last night. Now my right arm is bothering me, with shooting pain. I am
damaged goods...lol. I thank God for my pain medications. I wanted to share
my heart this one last time with everyone while I'm still on the island of
Guam. The past 17 years on Guam have been a nightmare for me. I've lost
everything near and dear to me, but I still have my ministry, praise God.
I went to check my mail yesterday and got a letter from my doctor, saying that June 23rd was his last day at the SDA Guam Clinic. That was really weird, because I had met with him on June 22nd and told him it was my last visit, because I am moving to Florida. I had no idea that he was leaving too. That is kinds cool, I think. Anyway, he was a great doctor and I'll miss him. Here is a free .pdf book that my doctor wrote, called “Weight Loss Medicine,” which has helped me lose 25 pounds so far this year. It is a really great book, I think. Anybody can lose weight by just changing your diet.
I am under a lot of pressure right now, because once I get to Pensacola I will have a lot of things to do. So far I haven't been able to find a doctor. On July 23rd I will run out of pain medications, so I need to find a doctor. I spent weeks applying at one pain management clinic, just to be rejected as a new patient. They wouldn't give me a reason. I hate when that happens, because it was a big waste of my time, and I have to start the whole process all over. So now I am trying another pain management clinic, and will pray and see what happens. One day at a time! I gave up on moving to Knoxville, Tennessee because of the opioid drug epidemic there right now. I contacted a few dozen doctors and pain clinics, and was turned away by every one of them. All I can do is work with what I have.
I am so lonely right now. I am leaving Guam by myself. I have no one waiting for me in Pensacola. I know Jesus is with me (Hebrews 13:5), and I am LOOKING TO JESUS (Hebrews 12:2), which is the only thing that keeps me going. I feel like God has abandoned me, but I am walking BY FAITH and not BY SIGHT (2nd Corinthians 5:7), so I KNOW that God is with me always (Psalms 23:1-3, 139:1-6). God is so good!!! I desperately need to find a church family. I was looking at the Olive Baptist Church, but take a look at their wrong idea of what it means to be a Christian. They corrupt the Word of God and cast stumbling blocks before the people, just as John Bunyan (1928-1688) said, by failing to separate between justification by the man Jesus Christ without, versus sanctification by the Spirit of Christ within.
“If you do not put a difference between justification wrought by the man Christ without and sanctification wrought by the Spirit of Christ within, you are not able to divide the Word aright; but contrariwise, you corrupt the Word of God, and cast stumbling blocks before the people.” —Evangelist John Bunyan
Nowhere in the Bible are we taught to follow Christ to get to Heaven. Nowhere are we taught to surrender our life, and our rights, to Him to be saved. Nowhere are we taught to pray a prayer, or ask for forgiveness, to be saved. Sadly, the Olive Baptist Church ADDS these unbiblical requirements to God's simple plan of salvation, obscuring the true Gospel. It breaks my heart. The Bob Jones University crowd are wicked, blinded, foolish, haughty and refuse to heed sound doctrine. 2nd Timothy 4:3-4, “For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.” In his wonderful free .pdf book, 'I NEVER KNEW YOU,' Michael P. Bowen says that he refuses to attend ANY of the churches in his hometown, because they are all corrupt on the Gospel. I don't blame him. Sadly, because of the apostasy and refusal to heed THE TRUTH, I was sinfully rejected and ostracized by the evil Harvest Baptist Church on Guam for seven painful years. God will punish them for their wickedness (Galatians 6:7). I long to see the time come. I want to be avenged of these devils (Romans 12:19-21).
Anyway, DeWitt movers came and got all my stuff yesterday. Just one crate is costing me $4,500 to have it shipped from Guam to Pensacola. I left half of my belongings behind, including the 55" TV. All my stuff with musical instruments (including 5 pedal steel guitars and 7 lap steels) weighs 2,400 pounds. I have a hotel reserved for $1,866 for the first month. Ouch! I bought a red 2013 used Honda FIT for $10,000. That was a fair deal. It's the same vehicle I have now, just 6 years newer, which I am happy to have found. The plane ticket cost me $2,500 one way! I cannot fly coach because of my neck injury, I have to fly Business Class, so I can lay down. The past few months have been hectic for me, and the next few will be likely even more hectic. I sure hope I can find a doctor in Pensacola. One medical clinic suggested that I go to Mobile, Alabama to find a doctor, which is a 45 minute drive from Pensacola. So that is a last option. In hindsight, I wish I had never moved to Guam in 2004, as it has cost me everything!
My neck hurts so bad! Doing everything by myself is rough. My top priority is to get married. I just need to find a gal who likes me, and I like her. I am not picky, but I wont marry someone that I don't feel in love with. I haven't been able to sign up for Match.com on Guam, so that is one of the first things I plan to do in Florida. I will attend a church, it may not be to my liking doctrinally, but I have to compromise or I'll be at home every Sunday, like I've done for the past 7 years on Guam because Harvest Baptist Church sinfully refused to allow me attend their church (social cult). Those haughty, arrogant, deceived pastors have much blood on their hands, and I will be there when they pay for their wickedness!!! Lordship Salvation is of the Devil, and those who put their trust in it have not been born-again (John 3:3-7; Matthew 7:21-23). You don't follow Jesus as your Lord to get to Heaven (which is works), you cease from your works and completely rest in Him as your Savior (Hebrews 4:10-11). Oh, why can't men leave the simple Gospel alone?
I admit that I am scared what lies ahead. I know God is with me, but right now I cannot see my hand in front of my face. I am lonely beyond words to describe the pain I feel in my hurting soul. All I ever did was TELL THE TRUTH, and it cost me dearly. I lost my church family since 2014. I lost the woman that I loved and would have married, had she not pushed me away in 2017. If Kristen Hurlburt had simply wrote me back, we would have been married. I would have poured out my soul to her, again, as I did the first time before she pushed me away. My ministry is one of writing. I am not good in person with my words. What's done is done, she made the choice. I do not know how to move forward, except to just put one foot forward and move to Pensacola. I have no particular reason why I chose Pensacola, except that I visited the city in November of 2018 for two weeks and I liked it there. Lord willing, I am going to join the YMCA. They have a steam room which helps alleviate the pain in my neck. I still plan to continue losing weight, doing my recomposition. I am still eating a high protein diet, which has helped me lose weight.
I do not know if I will stay in Pensacola. I would like to live there for at least one year, and then make a decision. If I cannot find a good church and a wife, I may move. If things go well, then I may settle down sooner and decide to stay, and buy a home. One thing I have learned from the Bob Jones crowd is how cruel people can be, and then wipe their mouths to excuse themselves, like nothing happened (Proverbs 30:20). Evil people hurt people and feel no conscience. Dr. Steve Pettit (shameful president of Bob Jones University) didn't even think twice before expelling a female raped student at BJU. These people have no compassion! I am glad she is suing them! Someone needs to hold these authoritarian bullies accountable. Nothing can make them care! Marty Herron has blood on his hands, as do ALL the shameful pastors of Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, and only God can hold them accountable (Hebrews 4:13).
Can you imagine a food processing company, where contaminants start getting into the food? What if the company did nothing about it, and kept sending out contaminated food to the public to consume? What if people start getting sick and dying? Folks, that is exactly what is happening in most churches today. People's spiritual food has been contaminated, and nobody cares about it! Churchgoers are becoming sick and dying! You know, words matter to bankers, lawyers, realtors, engineers, businessmen and in every contract that you sign, but today's pastors would insanely have us to believe that words don't really matter to God when it comes to the Bible! I literally heard Marty Herron, when he was the senior pastor of Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, tell several hundred church members that he was searching through different versions of the Bible to prepare his sermon. Folks, that is an INCOMPETENT PASTOR!!! Now he is ruining thousands of young people's lives as the highly overpaid executive vice president of Faith Baptist Bible College And Theological Seminary (preacher's cemetery) in Ankeny, Iowa. They hired a devil to further corrupt their ungodly institution!!! Right doctrine doesn't matter to these neo-evangelical parasites (Romans 16:17-18).
Forgive me for my rants, I cannot separate my beliefs from my personal life. I mediate upon God's Word day and night, and everything I say and do is encompassed about by THE TRUTH. I know God is proud of me for being upset! God gets pissed off too you know! In the parable of the two sons (Matthew 21:28-32), Jesus said that the angry son with the bad spirit was the hero of the story, because ultimately he did his father's will. The pleasant son (some Caspar Milquetoast wimp like Marty Herron) spoke nicely everywhere he went, kissing people's butts, but he never did the father's will! God was NOT pleased with him at all. Marty Herron is a disgrace to the clergy! I may be rude, annoying and in your face with THE TRUTH, but I am doing the Father's will, which is only to “BELIEVE ON HIM” (John 6:40b). I'm not going around like Marty, telling everyone to repent “OF YOUR SIN” (which is nowhere found in the inspired King James Bible) to be saved. Marty is the theological liar, not me!!! I am the upset good son, Marty is the suave rebel.
I sometimes start to worry and think God is upset with me for being upset, but then the blessed indwelling Holy Spirit always comforts my heart, reminding me that the only reason I am upset is because I CARE ABOUT THE TRUTH, and the Bob Jones crowd DON'T CARE ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT THEIR BELLY AND PAYCHECKS! The precious Holy Spirit then reassures me how proud he is of me for STANDING (Ephesians 6:13), and contending for the faith once delivered unto the saints (Jude 1:3). Kristen Hurlburt is a fool, who passed up the perfect guy for her, because she is short-sighted, shallow, uncaring and part of the same woefully indifferent Bob Jones University crowd (from which she graduated). A corrupt tree cannot bring forth good fruit. God is not with these religious people, Satan is!
Anyway, this will be my last article before I blast off tomorrow morning from the Guam International Airport for Pensacola, Florida. I must say that I will be glad to have Ron DeSantis as my new governor. I love that guy! My flight will take 23 hours total, if all goes well. Since I will be flying back in time, the clock will only show that 8 hours have passed, but I will actually spend 23 hours of travel time. That is because Guam time is 15 hours ahead of Pensacola. It took me years to finally figure that stuff out! I am taking my router and power cord down to GTA (the phone company) to close out my account today. So the next time you hear from me, God willing, I will live in Pensacola. I am glad to finally be moving, as my life has been stuck in a ditch for the past 15 years since my wife heartlessly abandoned me in 2006. I didn't want the divorce and I have that in legal writing. I have never recovered, and my life has gone sideways, with much difficulty being alone day by day. It has been as a prison sentence for me. I am not in a birdcage, I am in prison, and my former spouse cruelly put me there. I forgive her, but I feel the same as John Wesley (1703-1791), whose wife divorced him too. Wesley said: “I did not dismiss her. I did not abandon her. I will not recall her.” I learned that from Pastor Jack Hyles, in a sermon, and I verified the quote to be true. I feel exactly the same.
I have faith in God (Mark 11:22). The most important thing in life, next to being right with God, is one's health. I plan to stay close to God, and take care of my health, as much as I can. I am eating well. I just made a fresh pot of mixed beans, a great source of protein and fiber. My doctor was impressed and humbly bragged on me on June 22nd, as he looked over my blood tests done a week prior. On the clinic's digital scale I weighed 177.8 pounds. I am 5' 7" tall. My A1C sugar level is now at 5.2, which is perfect. I am definitely not diabetic. My triglycerides are at 111, which my doctor said is excellent. My bad cholesterol is a bit above normal at 146, because I still eat fish and chicken. But overall my doctor was really impressed, because I have been eating better and taking care of myself. Lord willing, I sure plan to continue on this healthy path. I feel good, despite my constant neck pain. One day at a time. Life is what happens to us when we're making big plans. Proverbs 27:1 says we never know what a day may bring, as those poor souls found out when the East Tower condo collapsed without warning, while everyone was sleeping during the night in Surfside, Florida. I have been praying for them all, hoping they'll find some survivors under the debris. So far 11 people are dead.
Thank you to all my faithful web visitors who have stayed with my ministry over the years. Sometimes I feel like quitting, but then I think about all the web visitors who have stuck with me over the past 19 years, and I owe it to them to keep going. Many people call me their “pastor,” for which I am humble. I don't want anybody quitting because of me. I am just a messed up man helping messed up people. I wasn't qualified to walk among the spiritual elite at Harvest Baptist Church on Guam. They think they are better than sinners like me. I wasn't good enough for their church clique. That is the sin of being a respecter of persons (James 2:1). God will treacherously deal with them, as they have treacherously dealt with me (Matthew 7:1-2). They left me for dead in my dark hour of need.
A simple kind note on my door, or a brief hearty welcome to church, would have gladly sufficed, but they couldn't even handle that. Instead, they ostracized me as the enemy (Galatians 4:16), shunning me completely for seven inexplicably painful years on Guam. My blood is upon their hands, and for all the evil fallout from what they have wickedly done. Only God knows the extent of the damage done by the Bob Jones crowd. They won't be able to offer God their cute excuses on Judgment Day, because they knowingly rejected THE TRUTH when I handed it to them (Hosea 4:6). Like the wicked Pharisees, the Bob Jones camp won't be able to claim ignorance.
So I will be headed for the airport at about 4 am Thursday (July 1st), and my flight leaves at 7 am. I will be flying United Airlines from Guam to Honolulu. That flight is 7:15 hours in duration. This is weird, I will be leaving Guam at 7 am Thursday morning, but landing in Honolulu at 6:56 pm Wednesday evening (the day before). That will be because I crossed the intercontinental time barrier. I will have a 2:10 hour layover in Hawaii. Then, I will be flying from Honolulu to Denver, which is a 6:31 hour flight. I will be landing in Denver at 6:56 am. I have a 3:46 hour layover in Denver. I brought another book with me, that I bought from the pharmacy by my doctor (about healthy living), which I will be reading in Denver. Then, I will be flying from Denver to Pensacola, which will take 3 hours. Lord willing, I will arrive in Pensacola at 2:42 pm. Then the dealership where I bought my Honda will pick me up (after I call them) to take me to get the vehicle I purchased. I already have auto insurance with GEICO. I will sleep some on the airplane, so I should be fairly rested. And that is my plan for the next couple days. I wanted to share that with everyone, so I won't feel so lonely being all my myself. I know your hearts and prayers will be with me.
I will need to open a P.O. Box at UPS Store (I hate the US Postal Service) as my new primary mailing address. Then I have literally 100 account addresses to start changing, which will be a challenge. I need to contact at least a dozen organizations (social security, Medicare, the Office of Personal Management at the Post Office, et cetera, to change my contact information). I need to go to Wal-Mart and buy a cellphone. I need to find a doctor, or I'll run out of pain medications at the end of July. And I need to look for a place to rent for a year, or buy a home, because I cannot afford $1,866 a month for a hotel. That is insane! This is summer, and the 4th of July, and post-pandemic, so this is the worst time to move, but I am going to lose my mind if I don't leave this place!!!
So as you can see, I am going to be a busy beaver for the foreseeable future! I look forward to visiting some churches in Pensacola, and I sure hope I can find a church family. Right now I cannot see my hand in front of my face. I am very lonely, but there is nothing else I can do except move forward. I am tired, but I cannot let myself be tired right now, because I have a lot to do, and it is difficult for me. My body hurts all over, and I dread doing all this, but it is either this, or I will be rotting on Guam 10 years from now all alone, and I'd rather be dead than spend the next 10 years surviving like the last 10 years, all alone in life. God willing, I do plan on stopping by Sonic Drive-in, which I have been wanting to do since I ate there in 2018. I love that place!!! Their double-cheeseburgers are heavenly. Then I have to fast all day...lol. I will not gain weight, no way, uh uh. Dr. Jack Hyles is my hero! He loved the MacDonald's Quarter Pounder with Cheese. Yeah buddy! I heard Brother Hyles say that he was 5' 11 3/4" tall. He was 1/4 inch short of 6 feet tall. He said he was 190 pounds, but I think he gained more weight as the years passed...lol. I can eat at Sonic one day a week.
Okay, I just wanted to share my heart with everyone. I feel like crying right now, and jumping for joy at the same time. I have a lot of mixed emotions. I am tired in my soul and wearied in my body, yet courageous in my soul, wanting to continue preaching THE TRUTH, take good care of my health, and find a Christian gal to share my life with. Part of me feels like just walking away from everything and just disappearing from society. I'm not even sure what that means. I was reading websites the other day on how to disappear from society. I am that tired. I don't think I would ever do that. I don't want to do that, but a guy can only take so much. You have no idea what this constant sensation of nerve burning throughout my entire body, constant chronic neck pain, and suffering through it all alone adversely does to me.
Admittedly, I have little patience. I bought an 8-track recording studio and gave it away, because I didn't have any patience to go into submenus and press a bunch of buttons. When I record steel guitar, which is rare, I use my computer, so I can just click and drag. I check my mailbox once a month. I never answer the phone, I let the answering machine screen calls. I don't have a cellphone and don't want one, but I will need one while I'm living out of a suitcase in a hotel in Pensacola, because I won't stay there more than a month or two (and I'll have to change 100 accounts again). I cannot handle anything more than a simple life. So I sure hope things don't overwhelm me by moving, but I cannot survive like this anymore, being alone in life. So pray for me, if you want to, or not, I really don't care anymore. I am just so sick and tired of today's money-oriented pathetic churches, where hurting people don't matter, only salaries do. I have spent the last 19 years giving and giving, never expecting anything in return, and by God's grace that is my plan for the future. God supplies my needs. I may end up homeless if my disability gets cut, but social security should pick me up, but if not, my God will take care of me, from a dumpster if need be. My soul and body are tired.
Please pardon my negativity, I am just overwhelmed right now with everything. God is always good. I have no complaints. I am going to walk BY FAITH and not BY SIGHT (2nd Corinthians 5:7). That means I am going to live by what I KNOW to be true as written in the inspired Scriptures, and not go by how I feel. Feelings can deceive us, but the Word of God always stands true! I know my Redeemer liveth (Job 19:25). I'll let everybody know when I get to Pensacola, from my hotel room likely, once I have access to the internet, Lord willing. This is an adventure I guess...lol. I have been dreading moving for a very long time, and equally looking forward to it. I really don't feel like saying goodbye to Harvest Baptist Church or Abby, because they said goodbye to me years ago. I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH!!! So this feels more like a funeral to me, because they have treated me like a dead person all these many painful years. All I wanted was to be loved. My heart is very broken, and there's nothing else to say, they made these horrible choices, not me. I always pleaded for their love, but they kicked me in the head and left me for dead, just like the Devil does to people.
Enough of that. I need to go rest a bit. Then go close out my phone and internet account. I have so much to do once I get to Florida. The key is to look forward each day to doing one thing nice for myself, whether it be going to Sonic Drive-In, or a nice walk in the park with a bag of walnuts to feed the squirrels (I love doing that), or going to the YMCA, I need to have something good to look forward to. I actually learned that from Mrs. Beverly Hyles, in her helpful book: 'Life As Viewed From The Goldfish Bowl.' Mrs. Hyles says if you cannot take a big vacation, makes little mini-vacations for yourself. She says it might be a couple hours alone in a bubble bath (only a lady would mention that). I don't like bubble baths...lol. But the steamroom at the YMCA sounds awesome! Guam doesn't have anything like that. I really look forward to being back in the United States!!! I love crackling lightning and thunderstorms, which are rare on Guam. I cannot wait to experience severe storms again! In the 17 years I have been on Guam, I never saw a super typhoon.
If you have read this far, you deserve a medal. I am not worthy to have so many people around the world that take an interest in my writings. I do not consider myself a great writer, and I sometimes wonder why people come to my ministry website, but it doesn't matter because I AM THANKFUL TO ALL OF YOU!!! Please keep me in your prayers. I DO REALLY CARE! I am just hurting in body and soul right now. It's hard to be spiritual when you are in pain. I LOVE YOU ALL WITH GOD'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. And I have to say it—Goodbye to anyone on Guam reading this. I do truly love everyone. I love you Abby and will miss looking for your grey safari jeep every day. I will miss my neighbours from Harvest Baptist Church, all of you, sincerely. God knows that every time I leave or drive up to my place, I look to see if you guys are around, because I love you all. I am crying as I am typing this. I wish things could have been different. I am leaving in peace with God, but with a broken heart. I TOLD THE TRUTH at Harvest, and I know God will reward me, as Romans 3:4 promises. = -)
