Woman, the Completer
Pastor Jack Hyles (1926-2001)
(Chapter 2 from Dr. Hyle's excellent book, Woman The Completer)
May I say to you before I begin that I have no desire to scold. I'm going to say some things that will make many ladies disappointed. Maybe you're going to look back over your life and say, "Oh, I blew it!" I'm not interested in scolding someone who has had any degree of failure. I would be interested in helping many young ladies and those who are still in the middle years of life as well as those of you who are not yet married. I beg your leniency and understanding as I discuss with you this very vital and important subject.
This originated when I was talking to a lady in my study one evening. She was a very unhappy lady, so I discussed with her for awhile her home situation and her marriage. I gave her a little talk. She said, "I have never heard anything like that! I believe my life will be changed tonight."
I thought that perhaps I should go home and give the same truth to our daughters. So late one night as Linda and Cindy and I were talking, I sat down at the kitchen table and taught them a Bible lesson on "Woman, the completer."
Would you bow your head and ask God to help me help you?"Our Heavenly Father, what a responsibility You have placed on my shoulders to discuss such a vital subject. I pray You would give me Your Holy Spirit, power, wisdom and leadership. Give me an alert mind and a warm heart as we discuss together this thing that could well be life-changing for hundreds of ladies, especially those who are young. Help me. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
Nothing is happy, until it fulfills its purpose for existence. God has made everything on purpose. He makes nothing by accident. Nothing is happy until it finds the purpose for which God has made it. No one is happy unless he finds and fulfills the purpose for which God has made him. We hear talk these days about "I want my rights." Everybody talks about "my rights, my rights, my rights." Somebody ought to start talking about "my purpose, my purpose, my purpose," or "my place, my place, my place."
You have only one right in life and that is to find God's will and purpose for your life. Then sit securely and work actively right in the center of God's purpose and place for you.For example, God made a bird to fly. If a bird doesn't fly, it is not happy. A bird can say, "I want to be a fish and swim, " but a bird won't be happy swimming. A bird can say, "I want to be a dog and run through the yard," but a bird won't be happy running through the yard. A bird is happy only when flying, for God made a
bird to fly.A fish could say, "I'm not satisfied here. I would like to fly through the air," but a fish would never be happy flying through the air, for God did not make a fish to fly. The fish could say, "I would like to run through the forest like a wild animal," but God didn't make the fish to run through the forest like a wild animal. God has a specific purpose for each of His creatures. Hence, God has a purpose for woman.
Man needed someone to see how fast he could run and to say to him, "You're a fast runner!" Man needed someone to see how far he could throw the rock and to say, "You're a good thrower!" Man needed someone to see how much he could lift and to say, "My, you have strong biceps!" But there was nobody. Maybe man climbed to the top of the tree, and he was so proud and so he said, "How did I do?" There was nobody to boost him. God looked around and saw there was no help meet for man.
The Lord said, "The poor fellow needs somebody to be in his corner, somebody to be for him. He needs someone to say, "Hey, that's fast running! My, what a strong arm you have! Hey, how fast you can climb the tree!"
When I was a little boy I got my first brand new bicycle. I had a little girlfriend named Shirley Warren. I thought she was the prettiest thing in all the world. I wanted her to see how I could ride my bicycle. I rode in front of her house. She came outside and I said, "Hey, look here, Shirley!" I rode the bicycle by Shirley's house. I went back the second time. I wanted to do better. I said, "Hey, look, no hands!" In front of her house she sat with that adoring, admiring look! That's why God made women. (Coming back the third time I got up and stood on the seat, and then I ended up on my seat!)
God made woman to sit on the sidelines and cheer when a man succeeds.
Why did God make woman? He made woman to cheer on the sidelines while her fellow made a touchdown. God made a woman to sit in the audience while her husband preaches and say, "That's the best preacher in the world!" God made woman to stand on the side of the street and watch her little boyfriend ride the bicycle using no hands or standing up on the seat and say to him, "That's the most amazing thing I ever saw in my life!" God made woman to see her man run the 100-yard dash and say, "That's the greatest accomplishment I ever saw!" God made a woman to sit on the sidelines and watch her fellow throw a 100-pound stone 50 feet and say, "Nobody else could do it like that!" God made a woman to sit on the sidelines and watch a fellow climb a tree faster than anybody in the world and say, "That's my man! He's the best tree climber in the whole world!" That's why God made woman. He made her to be man's help meet.
God made woman for man! The word "help meet" means "completer." God said, "I will make a completer for man." It is like an incomplete circle. Man has almost all he needs, but there's something he doesn't have. God said, "There's something I've got to give to man," so He took from beneath man's heart a rib, and from that rib He made a woman. God said, "I want that woman to go to that man, and I want her to complete him." Man will not be complete until he has her.
No, God didn't see a child needing care and say, "I'm going to send somebody down to take care of that child." Now I'm for children! I think they're wonderful, but ladies, God didn't make you for your children! No, He didn't. God didn't look down one day and say, "Hey, there's a little fellow down there that needs his diaper changed. I'm going to have to make somebody to go down and complete him." God didn't do that.
God didn't look down and say, "There's a dirty house down there. I want somebody to clean it. I'll make a house cleaner." No, God didn't make you for that.
God didn't look down and say, "You know, man needs to love somebody and protect somebody, and I'm going to send somebody for man to love and protect." No, God didn't do that either.
God didn't send you down to be helped; God sent you down to help.
Your husband came home from work one day and you said, "I went to the doctor today." Perhaps you were knitting.
He said, "Have you got the flu?"
You said, "I've got the nine-month flu."
Up out of the chair he flew! He said, "Wh-wh-wh-what?"
"That's right."
He said, "D-d-don't g-g-get n-n-nervous. Just s-s-stay c-c-calm."You said, "Thank you, sweetheart. I always appreciate the fact that you are able to calm me down."
Then you started getting sick. Every morning you regurgitated, you got sort of a funny color to your face, and you were even harder to get along with than usual. You started getting bigger! When you sat down you had to spread your legs in order to get up! When you laid on your back you looked like one of the pyramids in Egypt. When you laid on your stomach you looked like a rocker on a rocking chair. Nothing fit, and there was room for only one person in the bed. You had to go sideways through the door. You ate pickles at midnight and watermelon for breakfast and peanut butter sandwiches at two o'clock in the morning. Nobody could get along with you. You remember those days. God bless you. Then one night about two o'clock in the morning (I know it was two o'clock in the morning because all babies are born at two o'clock in the morning!) you reached over to your husband and said, "Sweetheart, the pains are five minutes apart now."
"He said, "Now d-d-d-don't you w-w-worry. Everything's g-g-g-going to be all right."
You said, "Oh, thank you for your comforting words. It's so nice to have a man around the house."
He said, "G-g-get in the car. I'll g-g-get your suitcase." He got the bowling ball out of the basement and put it in the trunk of the car. You had presence of mind enough to know what he would do, so you got the suitcase and put it in the car yourself. (He doesn't know to this day exactly what happened.) You took off for the hospital. You were going about 80 miles per hour in a 30-mile zone and looked up in the rear view mirror and saw the flashing light. The officer pulled you to the side of the road and said, "Hey, are you going to a fire?"
Your husband said, "No, it's my hospital here. She's going to the baby to have a wife. I mean, no, no, it's my baby here. She's going to the wife to have a hospital."
The policeman was a nice man and said, "Yes, I think I understand what it is." (He had probably been there before.) He said, "You follow me," and he gave you a guided tour to the hospital.
They rolled you through a couple of doors, and you were apprehensive, for maybe it was the first time you had ever done this. You went into the room, and there was the nurse and the doctor and maybe a hypodermic needle. Maybe they put you to sleep a little bit, maybe not, and soon you felt pain like nobody has ever felt, the like of which no human being ever feels in all the world. After awhile there was a little cry and they rolled you to your room. It wasn't long until they brought that little one to you. You held the baby to your breast, and that little, blind, wrinkled, ugly rascal started hunting for his supper. He had enough sense to want to eat as soon as he was born. As he fed from your own body, you said, "That's flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone and blood of my blood," and oh, how you loved it! What a sweet time it was, but that's not why God made you. That wasn't the most important day of your life. You did not fulfill the purpose for your being a woman that day! No, you didn't! God didn't look down and say, "I have a baby that needs feeding; I'm going to send someone down to feed it." God did make it so you could bear children, but God didn't make that the main purpose for your existence. You can be a good mother and be a failure. You can be the best mother in the world and be a failure. You can be the best mother who ever lived. You can be a Susannah Wesley, a Jochebed, an Elisabeth, and a Mary all wrapped in one package, and still be a failure.
Nothing is ever completely happy or content or finds fulfillment until it fulfills the purpose for its existence. You say, "Well, I'm going to rear my children." Go ahead. That's okay with me. I think you ought to rear your children. Yet it is not as important as being the kind of wife you ought to be. God made woman for man. God made woman for man to be a help meet for him.
God didn't look down and see a hungry family and say, "I want someone to feed them," or a dirty house and say, "I want someone to clean it," or a little kid and say, "I want someone to rear him." No, God looked down and saw a man that He had made. He saw an incomplete man. God saw that man could not make it completely by himself. He saw that man was not a self-contained package. God saw that man could not sustain himself by himself and God said, "I'm going to make somebody to complete him. Man has a subject but no predicate. He has a noun, but no verb. He has three sides, but no completed side. He is a circle not completed. He is a two-sided triangle. He's a three-sided square. There's something missing in man." So God made you to complete man.
If that be the case, then in a sense God made you to be the aggressor. Yes, woman is the weaker vessel, but man is the less complete vessel. Woman is the weaker vessel, but man has more need than woman does. Did you know you can stay at home at night by yourself and not be as scared as your husband would be if he stayed at home by himself? That's true. I dare you to check it. Some of you stay at home alone with the doors unlocked. It is a different story when he is by himself. He probably has the police number written down by every telephone in the house! Why? Man needs you more than you need man. Man has the engine and the gasoline but he doesn't have a starter. You don't have an engine, and you don't have the gasoline, but you have the starter! If you don't believe it, tickle him under the chin and see if you don't start something! He has the engine. He's got what it takes, but he needs someone to start him, somebody to prod him along, somebody to complete him.
Let me put it this way. Woman comes to an incomplete man, completes him, and then receives the benefits of his completeness. Woman comes to an incomplete man and completes him; that's her job--to be the aggressor, to lead him to become a complete man so he can lead her, but he needs woman to start him! Then after woman completes man, she receives the benefits of his completeness!
Some of our college girls made a list of "the ten things I want in a man." A girl's list might have included these qualifications: 6'3", handsome, compassionate, strong, tender, etc.--that's what she wants in a man. If you ever found a fellow with all those things, he wouldn't need you!
Some lady says, "Oh, he has everything!"No, he doesn't have everything! No man has everything! If he did have everything, he wouldn't need you. I think the best thing for you to do is find someone who doesn't have everything, and then help him get everything. That's why God made you.
I
. Complete him in his work.If your husband is a carpenter, go look at the house he built and say, "Did you all build that? My, my, my, let me see your big old bicep!" (You may not realize it, but those old southern belles had something on the ball.) You should say, "That's the prettiest house I ever saw. My, did you build that?" That's what you're supposed to do--cheer on the sidelines.
By the way, if your husband is a carpenter, you learn what a 16d nail is. Learn what an 8d common nail is. Learn what a 8d casing nail is. You learn what a 2" x 4" and a 2" x 8" are. Know what Sheetrock is. Find out what kind of roof is put on a house. Why? God made you to complete that man, that's why!
You say, "I want a strong leader."
Make him!
Someone says, "I want a great lover."
Make him a great lover.
"I want a great, successful man."
That's why you're there! You're there to complete him, finish him. God made him, but he wasn't complete. So the Lord says, "I want someone to complete him."
II
. Complete him in his play.Complete him here also. When your guy is watching a football game, share it with him. When his favorite team wins a game or makes a touchdown, you should cheer! When he looks around and says, "That was great!" you ought to be there to say, "Sure was!" You ought to be able to say, "You know why they got that touchdown? Because they red-dogged on that last defensive play!" Red-dogged? Yes, you ought to know what red-dogging means. No, it doesn't mean squirting ketchup on a mutt in the front yard! You ought to know.
Listen, if your husband likes baseball, learn baseball. If your husband likes to fish, when he pulls up that little old 6-inch fish you should say, "Man, look at that whale! " That's why you're here.
You say, "I'm just not that type.
I know. You're not the happy type either.
"I'm just not made that way."
I know. We're all pretty bad. We're supposed to straighten up ourselves!
You say, "You're just trying to help the men.
No, I'm not. The first thing I said was that nothing is ever happy until it fulfills the purpose for which it was made.
"He never brags on me," you say.
God didn't make him to brag on you. Now don't misunderstand me. I think it's fine if he does, and I think it would be nice if he did, but that's extra. The "bread and beans" of this is that God made YOU to brag on your man!
"Well, I'm not going to listen to all that junk."
Don't call it junk. I didn't write it. I'm just telling you what it says. God says, "I need a completer for man."
Complete him in his play. Complete him when he catches a fish. When he hits a ball, say, "Let me feel your arm!" I'm saying, spoil him rotten! That's why God made you.
Man is a vain creature. Men like to say, "All in the world my wife does is primp, primp, primp!" I dare you to time the two of you. I dare you to put a timer on the old man and one on the old lady and see who takes longer!I use Command hairspray on my hair. I spray one hair and then I spray the other one! I part my hair in the middle--in the middle of the two hairs. I don't comb my hair; I place it. I get it all placed. Each hair has one little spot where it's supposed to go. If one hair is out of place, it makes the whole skull shine through. If one little hair is sticking up, I work on it. I'll get my comb out and put that hair back and spray it right quick.
You say, "Why?"
We're vain!
Men say, "I don't use face powder."
I do. I use after-shave talcum powder daily. Why? I don't want my nose (or my head) to shine.
What I'm saying is, man is a vain person. Man is vain because God made him vain. A man can do more if he is vain. When a man is running for a touchdown and a little gal on the side is saying, "Rah, rah, rah! Run, Goerge, run!" George will run faster because of that yelling on the side.
The tragic thing is that before marriage it's, "Run, George, run," and after marriage is, "Get, George, get!" There's something wrong about that. Keep hollering, "Run, George." That's why God made you. Complete him in his play. There's nothing in the world that masculinity hates worse than to fail. A real man would rather die than fail. Now it's your job to see that he doesn't fail. If your husband fails, you are part of that failure. You must bear the responsibility of it because God has made you to help and complete him.
You say, "I'm looking for a certain kind of man." That's like a doctor looking for well patients, a plumber looking for a house with no leaks, a mechanic looking for an engine with no knocks, a cobbler looking for a shoe with no hole, or a barber looking for a man with no hair! You look for God's man and then help to make him what God wants him to be.
This is every man's right. Each has only one life to live. God looks down and sees that every man is incomplete. God gives a man a woman, and that woman is supposed to complete that man. If you fail to do it, it won't be done. If he dies without ever having it, it's because you didn't give it to him. You have taken from him what is every man's right. Every man's right is to have a completer. That's why God made you!
A lady came to my office not long ago and I gave her this truth. She said, "I'm not going to do all that stuff."
I said, "I'll give you an alternative suggestion."
She said, "What?"
I said, "Go over here to the bridge over the Chicago River and jump off."
"What?"
"Go jump in the river."
"Why?"
I said, "You'd go to Heaven, and your husband wouldn't have to live in hell!" Listen to me, especially you young ladies, you unmarried ladies, you ladies who haven't been married long. I'm trying to help you. I'm not trying to take any freedoms away from you. I'm trying to give you a liberty that you'll never enjoy unless you become what God has made you to be.
I said to that lady in my office for counsel, "Look, you are standing in the way. Your husband is a good man. He's not going to have anybody else. You're standing in the way of your husband ever having a completer. You'd be a lot better off, young lady, in the early days of your marriage, if you would go over and jump off the bridge so your husband can have in his lifetime someone to complete the circle."
Ladies, most of your husbands are fine men. Wouldn't it be a shame for your guy to live and die without having what is his rightful heritage? How pitiful! How tragic! I wish I could help you realize the purpose for which God made you. I wish I could get you to get to your man and help make that man all that God wants him to be. Complete him. Then you'll know what it is to be happy.
Do you know what these women's libbers are? They are a group of confused women trying to find happiness and failing because they are searching for it outside of God's Word and God's plan.
You say, "I have my rights too!
No, you don't. Not yet! A woman does not have any right in this world until she's done this. You check in the Bible. Always in the Bible the first command is to the follower. In Ephesians 5:22, for example, it says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands." Then in verse 25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives." Who's supposed to start it? The wife!
It says in Ephesians 6:1, "Children, obey your parents." Then in verse 4 it says, "Fathers ... bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord."
What does it mean? God gives the command first to the follower. He says, "I want the wife to do her job first." That means you have no rights until you do your job. That means He wants the child to obey first. That means He wants the child to obey even if the dad is never the right kind of dad. That means a child is supposed to obey, regardless!
For example, it says in Ephesians 6:5, "Servants, be obedient to them that are your masters." Then in verse 9 the masters are exhorted to be good masters.
God always puts on the follower the burden of having the initiative and being aggressive. Wives, you do it first. Children, you do it first. Servants, you do it first.
Somebody says, "I want a man already made."
There's no such thing as one already made.
Somebody says, "He doesn't help me at home."
He wasn't made to help you at home. If he wants to help you at home, that's a pretty good bonus, but it is not part of God's plan. I'm not saying it is wrong for him to help you at home, and I think it may be good for him to help you at home, but it is not in the Book for him to do so.
You were made for him; the man was not made for you. Man's main business is outside. Woman's main business is inside. Man's main business is not the woman. Woman's main business is the man.
You say, "He doesn't give me as much attention as I give him."
The Bible doesn't say he's supposed to do that. Let me put it this way. You be what you ought to be so you can make your man to be what he ought to be to you.
This is why girls should be taught to cater to their dads. Girls who cater to their dads make better wives. A little girl should bring her dad's houseshoes to him. The mother should teach her to do it. The daughter ought to be taught that if Dad's tea glass gets half empty, she should fill it and cater to him and spoil him.
This is important, not for Dad's sake, but the girl's sake.
When Cindy and Linda were our only two children home, they catered to their dad. They spoiled me! They liked to do nice things for me. I enjoyed it. I wanted my girls to get accustomed to spoiling a man so they could spoil their husbands. I wanted them to get in the habit of supplying Dad's needs so as to practice for marriage. I enjoyed their spoiling me, but that wasn't my goal. I had ten thousand times rather my daughters be good wives than good daughters. If each daughter will make some man a loving, completing, spoiling kind of cheering wife, I'll feel then that the girls are what God wants them to be.
I have always preferred that our daughters sing in duets rather than solos. I want them to blend. That's why I've always been pleased when they accompanied on the piano rather than play piano solos. I'm not against ladies singing solos. I thank God for the ladies who sing solos in our church, but I think for every solo a lady sings she should sing a thousand times where she blends. That's why I've always wanted the girls to play doubles rather than singles in tennis. From the time they were little I've wanted them to share, be part of a team, boost a team image, and be a part of boosting someone else. That's why I wanted them to spoil their dad. I never much care if they win any beauty contests. Your main job in training a girl is not to help her be happy when she grows up. Your main job is to train her to know how to make a man happy when she grows up. Then, and only then, will she be completely happy and fulfilled.
You say, "Brother Hyles, how can I do it?"
The best way is by example. Young ladies, have you a child in the nursery now or one in the Beginner or Primary Department? The best way to train those little girls to be a help meet one day is for you to be that right now.
"How can I get the girls to watch the tea glass?" you ask.
You watch the tea glass.
"How can I get the girls to spoil their future husbands?" you ask.
You spoil your husband.
There ought to be some place where every man can go where he is a hero. I mean, he is the biggest guy in all the world! He's the most handsome guy in the whole world. He's the strongest man alive. There should be some place he can go, a refuge, where he can feel that he's really somebody. Every man has a right to be a hero to somebody! For every man God has made somebody to make him a hero.
How does your husband feel tonight? How does your guy feel? When your guy comes in the house, he ought to feel like a conquering hero coming home. He has a right to it! That's why God made you!
God made a man and said, "That man needs someone to think he is the greatest thing in the whole world. That man needs someone to help him. That man needs someone to complete him."
Without a completer man will never achieve what he could have achieved.
You say, "Brother Hyles, I'm not married. What can I do?"
You can be a Viola Walden, a Fairy Shappard, a Maxine Jeffries. Maxine Jeffries, the lady who oversees all our ministries to the handicapped, is one of the most feminine ladies I know in the whole world. Now Maxine weighs a "little" more than 110 and she has not won a beauty contest. She's not Miss America. (She is to some of us!) She's one of our staff members. She is in her 40's. Maxine has never married, but she is a help meet to God's man!
Miss Viola Walden was with Dr. John R. Rice for over 40 years as his administrative assistant. Many years ago a doctor fell in love with her, and he asked her to marry him. Miss Viola went to Dr. Rice and said, "Dr. Rice, how long do you think I'll work for you?"
Dr. Rice said, "As far as I'm concerned, you have a job with me as long as you live."
Miss Viola went back to the doctor and told him, "I don't believe God wants me to marry you." Miss Viola has been a help meet to Dr. Rice all these years. She has been a helper and a completer to his ministry.
A woman should be a help mate by nature! I teach our high school and grade school lady teachers that the boys in their classes should feel more masculine when they are around them. When I was a little boy, my mother used to say to me, God bless her, "Son, would you get this pickle jar open for me?" I would open the pickle jar. (The next time when Mama didn't know I was nearby, I would see her open it just as easy as I did.)
Mother used to say, "Son, would you get this window unstuck for me?"
"Sure!"
She would say, "Son, Daddy isn't home, and it's so nice to have a man around the house!"
The simple truth is, my mother was feminine. She still is. When I'm in my mother's presence to this day, I feel more like a man than I do when I'm not in her presence. She's in her nineties, but she's feminine. She's a help meet.
A sister ought to be that to a brother.
You say, "Oh, brothers and sisters fight."
They shouldn't! I wish you could see the poem Cindy wrote about David when he got married. Cindy happily worked for her brother at the Youth Center. (Bro. Dave is our Youth Director.)
Even if you don't get married, the right kind of woman will still be a help meet. I think that's what femininity really is. Being feminine is not being a wallflower, a weakling, or a little dainty weakling. Being feminine is being a strong completer, one who is strong enough to do it alone but lets "him" do it and lets "him" get the credit for it. It's the kind of woman who can beat him at Ping-pong but never does!
I was out playing golf with Evangelist Jim Lyons one day. He had never beaten me. David was only seven years old, and he went with us. Brother Jim got ahead of me by three strokes. He had a short putt to beat me. Dave was crying because his daddy was getting beat. As Bro. Jim pulled the putter back, Dave yelled, "HEY!" Jim jumped and hit the ball across the pasture! It took him seven strokes to get in the hole, and I beat him by four strokes!
That's the way every girl ought to feel about her dad, her husband and her brother if she is a completer.
One of these days all of us are going to stand before the judgment seat of Christ. God has given you one thing to do in life. There is an incomplete circle. It lacks a part. God made you to add that little part. You can make all the circles you want to by yourself, but God won't reward you unless that circle is complete. Woman is the completer.
Several years ago Dr. John Rice, Bill Harvey and I were in a conference at the First Baptist Church of Temple Heights in Tampa, Florida. Dr. Rice and I were the featured speakers. At noon on Tuesday we had a steak dinner for all the preachers and their wives. Dr. Rice, singer Bill Harvey and I were sitting at the head table along with the staff members of the church and their wives. All of a sudden as we were eating steak, I heard someone choking badly. I looked! One of the assistant pastors had turned completely white, and he began to run toward the door. The door was locked! Suddenly we realized what had happened. He had a piece of steak caught in his windpipe. We all tried to help him and failed. Folks were frantic. He was about to die. All of a sudden his little wife jumped out of her seat and stuck her finger down his throat and pulled out a piece of steak! That's why God made woman. He made woman to be the one person who can complete man and make him what he ought to be.
God has given most of you a man. Your man is not complete. He is not even the aggressor yet. One of these days when you stand before God, the dear Lord is going to judge you according to whether you completed that man that God gave to you.
I want you to have the very best. I want you to have the happiest life and the sweetest eternity, but you never will until you become that thing for which God made you. No creature that God has made will ever be happy or useful until that thing which is its superior becomes its master.
God's purpose for you is to be a completer. Woman was made for man, not for children, not for a house, not for cooking; she was made for man!
Be a completer.
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